A Sermon by Reverend Scott W. Alexander
River Road Unitarian Church
Sunday, September 28, 2003
 
Golfing With Monkeys? Now there's a sermon title that tells you ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about what I want to focus upon this morning, nothing that is unless you know the rather intriguing story. I had better begin, then, by telling the story, because I think it can lead us to a very important spiritual reminder.

The Rev. Gregory Know Jones (a Presbyterian minister who serves a church just across the river in Virginia) writes that:

Once the English had colonized India and established their businesses, they yearned for recreation and decided to build a golf course in Calcutta. Golf in Calcutta however would prove to present a unique obstacle. Monkeys from a nearby habitat would drop out of the trees, scurry across the course and seize the golf balls. The monkeys would play with the balls, tossing them here and there. At first, the golfers tried to control the monkeys. Their first strategy was to build high fences around the fairways and greens. This approach, which seemed initially to hold much promise, was abandoned when the golfers discovered that a fence is no challenge to an ambitious monkey. Next the golfers tried luring the monkeys away from the course. But the monkeys found nothing as amusing as watching humans go wild whenever their little white balls were disturbed. In desperation, the British began trapping and relocating the monkeys. But for every monkey they carted off, another would appear. Finally, the golfers gave into reality and established a rather novel ground rule for that particular course. Golfers in Calcutta were obliged to PLAY THE BALL WHEREEVER THE MONKEY DROPPED IT. As you can imagine, playing under this rule could be maddening. A beautiful drive down the center of the fairway might be picked up by a monkey and then dropped in the rough. Or the opposite could happen. A hook or slice that had produced a miserable lie might be flung right onto the middle of the fairway. The unpredictable monkeys, then, brought equal measures of gratuitous bad and good luck to the game.

 Now I was both charmed and fascinated when I first read this story. And the preacher in me immediately concluded that this cute little story about the mischievous monkeys wrecking havoc with the best laid plans of the humans on the Calcutta golf course deserved an entire sermon. It deserves an entire sermon because LIFE IS SO OFTEN LIKE THIS as we try to navigate our way the course of our lives. This morning I want to focus on this story about the mischievous monkeys who inserted themselves into the game the humans were trying to play, for I believe it is both a telling and a spiritually instructive metaphor about the lives we actually live, and how we might more successfully move with the world--not as we so often fancifully imagine it, but rather as it actually is. I want to make several points which this story wisely make clear.
 

First, there is the obvious truth in this story of LIFE'S UTTER UNPREDICTABILITY, ITS FREQUENT RANDOMNESS (AND, IF YOU WILL, ITS RELATED "UNFAIRNESS"). From almost as soon as we begin to think about life as little children, we human beings like to think--despite the regular, abundant, and unmistakable evidence we receive to the contrary--we like to think that just as every golf course has clear rules that the players should observe and obey so they can "finish the course" and "succeed at the game," that "in the game of life" also there are clear rules to follow "over the course of our lives," if you will, which if we faithfully observe will help us likewise to successfully navigate our way. Most of us--even through adulthood--have a "tape" that plays at least subliminally in our heads most of the time, and that tape or script goes something like this:

If I just work hard, live right, mind my Ps and Qs, obey the law, live by my principles, watch my diet, brush my teeth, exercise regularly, don't drink too much, tend to my marriage, carefully rear my children--if I follow the basic rules and do all the things I know I really should--then I will sail through this thing called life, and everything will basically work out for me as planned.
 

This tape that plays in our heads about living by the rules and subsequently breezing right along is fine, except for one thing: LIFE (you all know it's true) REGULARLY DOES NOT WORK THIS WAY! I can say this with certainty not only because I have been banging around in this dangerous and unpredictable creation of ours for 54 years now, but because for almost 30 years now I have, as a minister, been in the business of helping people come to terms with the random, unexpected and sometimes profoundly unfair and unwelcome events and conditions that so often intrude in upon and define human life.

Just this week, I'm sad to tell you, I received an unexpected call from a dear old friend (Paul) up in New Jersey who complained, the last time we cycled together a few weeks ago, about having a stiff neck. Instead of telling him he had the muscle strain he expected, his doctor has just diagnosed Paul with a serious and aggressive malignancy that is growing on his spine, and so now, absolutely out of the blue, my friend suddenly faces (at the age of 56) a real and sustained threat to his life. Similarly, millions of us in the Middle Atlantic region to varying degrees had our lives and homes seriously disrupted and in some cases destroyed all because of this unpredictable, random hurricane Isabel that suddenly roiled in off the Atlantic to play havoc with the order we had brought to our lives. Tell me if your life is any different, but in my life (and the lives of those I see around me) we'll be playing along in the fairway that we're on, when all of a sudden some monkey comes out of nowhere, snatches our ball, and deposits it in some place we did not expect. This is an unpredictable universe, AND WE ARE NOT IN CONTROL.

And just as in the case of these mischevious Calcutta monkeys (and here I arrive at the second aspect of this little story that rings true for me), while it is undeniably true that sometimes our ball is capriciously dropped right in the rough as in the case of my friend's cancer diagnosis or the havoc wrecked by Isabel last week when it gets really hard to "play our usual game" and other times--many other times, actually, and this we must not forget--it is graciously placed right on the green when all we have to do to be on top of the world is tap the ball gently into the hole. As I have said to you on other occasions from this pulpit, I believe this remarkably open and fluid world of ours which we do not, despite our best and most dutiful efforts--as those British golfers discovered--succeed in controlling this remarkable open and fluid world of ours holds at least as much amazing grace and good luck for us as it does misfortune and bad breaks.

And I, for one, do not believe (and this is a core theological and spiritual assumption of mine that informs the way I respond to the events of my life), I do not believe that this creation of ours has any sort of
"will" or "intention" or "plan"--any more, really, that those monkeys who randomly intruded into the game the people were playing on that Calcutta course had a purpose or intention or plan. Life on this planet is not "out to get us" any more than it "promises us an easy ride." Life on this planet is full of random and unexpected events and outcomes--and there is simply no way--no matter how diligently we play by the rules we think are sound and in place--there is simply no way we can make ourselves immune from these random occurrences. We cannot control (as if we'd want to!) the many pleasant events and wondrous outcomes that randomly come our way, like meeting the "love of your life" by commenting on the weather to your seatmate on a commuter train some typical morning, or having all three of your kids grow up to be bright and charming and healthy and successful adults, or through no discernable competence on your part falling into your dream job through a want ad, or (defensive driver or not) going through life never being involved in so much as a fender-bender car accident. You can't control the GOOD LUCK and ABUNDANT, UNDESERVED GRACE that comes your way!

And we most certainly similarly cannot control most of the unpleasant events and difficult outcomes that randomly come our way, like developing, as so many of us do at some point in our lifetimes a life-limiting or life-threatening disease, or falling badly after slipping on a wet spot at work or home, or having a marriage slowly fall apart despite your best efforts, or losing a job due to global economic conditions, or having someone in your family go to jail for some wrong-doing. No matter how careful or competent or clever we are in our lives -- no matter how diligently we follow all the rules we imagine are in place to makes things predictable -- we cannot control most of the misfortunes which will come our way. Life on this planet (as I understand it, any way) is a lot like the chaos that existed on that monkey-infested golf course: weird, wild, woeful and wondrous things happen--both for good and ill--and like those golfers, the sooner we accept the fact that we are not in charge, the sooner we can move ahead to finish the game.

And I would pause here--after making this fundamental assertion about how life randomly works--and make what feels like another crucial observation. I think that we human beings are far better at paying attention to and cataloguing in our psyches the misfortunes and unpleasantnesses that come our way (like when some monkey throws our ball right into the rough) than we are at noticing and taking into our hearts for safe keeping and cultivation the amazing graces and blessings that come our way (like when the monkeys kindly-yet-without-knowing deposit our ball right next to the pin). Let me speak personally for a moment. I know that in my daily life I am quick to notice and grumble to myself and complain to others about any number of inconveniences, difficulties or challenges that randomly come my way--the weekend plans that were destroyed by Isabel, the flat tire on my bike I had this Wednesday morning commuting to work, the chronic knee pain that now crimps my style and makes me limp, the unexpected interruptions that prevented me from accomplishing my already crowded work plan. I notice and complain about it every time some MONKEY OF EVERYDAY FATE tossing my ball into the rough!

Why do I not regularly and spontaneously whistle cheerfully to myself about all these wondrous little daily monkeys which drop my ball just in the best possible spot?

We have no emotional or spiritual choice, of course, but to notice when difficulty and misfortune come our way; such random events bonk us over the head and demand we note and face them. We all paid rapt attention, for example, to the massive irritations and inconveniences of Isabel last week. But the blessings and breaks we all regularly receive?  AH, THESE SOMEHOW REQUIRE OUR SPIRITUAL AND EMOTIONAL DILIGENCE TO NOTICE. I'll bet you anything that most of those Calcutta golfers were better at cursing the monkeys who tossed their ball into the rough or onto the wrong fairway than they were at singing praises to the monkeys who graciously deposited their ball right up next to the pin. How are YOU doing  over the course of your life with the wise spiritual practice (and it really is that: a life saving and enriching spiritual practice) of noticing the many blessings and the breaks that randomly come your way, at least as much as you notice the difficulties and challenges that also come your way?  I pray for your spiritual balance and health in so random a creation as this one, that as you move your way through the course of your life, your heart will learn to notice the full range of life's randomness (its mysterious flow of monkey-ness, if you will), and acknowledge the grace as readily as you note the difficulties.

And here is something else that is very important to remember about GRACE and DIFFICULTY in our lives. There was an absolutely fascinating article in the September 7th
New York Times magazine about recent studies about happiness, conducted by psychologists at Harvard and elsewhere, which conclude that--and now I'm going to put this in the context of my golfing with monkeys story--whether our ball is dropped deep in the rough by some mischievous monkey event in our lives like losing a job or becoming ill, or whether our ball is placed sweetly on the green by our getting exactly what we think we want in life, WE HUMAN BEINGS CONSISTENTLY OVER-ESTIMATE how happy or unhappy these respective turns of fate will make us. Dr. Daniel Gilbert of Harvard writes:

A death in the family, a new gym membership or a new husband are not the same, but in how they affect our well-being they are similar. Our research simply says that whether its some pleasant event or a difficult one that occurs in our lives, both of them will matter LESS than you think they will in terms of your happiness. You're overestimating how much of a difference they will make. None of them make the difference that you think.

And why is this? The answer, according to these scientists, is simple: we human beings (and now I quote them again) are:

generally unable to recognize that we ADAPT [pretty well] to new circumstances; we seem unable to predict that we will [eventually successfully] adapt
to the new life situations (wonderful or difficult) we find ourselves in.

And thus I arrive at the crucial spiritual point about my golfing with monkeys story: THE SUPREME VALUE OF AN ADAPTABLE HEART! I might as well just say it -- loud and clear right now -- for it is the point I have been waiting to get to all morning. I am passionately persuaded that emotional survival and spiritual success over the course of our lives depends--as it did for those Calcutta golfers--on our willingness to ADAPT to unforeseen realities (both positive and negative) that pop into our lives that we cannot (despite our best efforts) control. Just as those Calcutta golfers WROTE THE MONKEYS INTO THE COURSE RULE BOOK, we must WRITE INTO OUR HEARTS a willingness to adapt to both the batterings (such as Isabel) and the blessings (such as a new child or grandchild) that burst into our lives.

Last Saturday, I went across the street from our cottage, which sits a few hundred feet from Chesapeake Bay, to survey the massive damage Hurricane Isabel did to my neighbor's property, which sits right on a twenty feet bluff above the water. Jinx's entire front lawn had been swept away by the storm surge, and his house now sat precariously close to the edge of the bluff. It was clear that he was going to have to spend several months, and tens of thousands of dollars, to have his bay frontage restored with railroad ties and many truckloads of rock and dirt. As we stood there and commiserated about his misfortune, my neighbor--with an unmistakable spiritual twinkle in his eye--said, Yea, it's going to be a costly mess, BUT LOOK, I NOW HAVE A BEACH FOR MY GRANDKIDS TO PLAY ON! And sure enough, I looked down, and there, beyond his bulkhead, was a sweet little white sand beach, a sweet little white sand beach just big enough for a few beach chairs (and lots of sand castles). Isabel took my lawn, he said, but she left me a beach--she left me a beach!

And as long as we're talking about Isabel (that absolute MONKEY of a storm that tossed all of our lives so deep into the rough last week, and caused so much stress, anxiety and disruption in all our lives), let me tell you that all week long I have been hearing amazing stories about how people creatively coped with the power outages, impossible commutes, damaged homes, bored kids at home, and all the many other difficulties and inconveniences this massive hurricane brought. The most amazing thing I heard (again and again, in endless variation really) is that amidst all the very real difficulties of Isabel--and dear God may we never have another storm like her!--people again and again managed to find their way to so many good and positive things. I heard stories of neighbors freely sharing food, water, power, chain saws, child care, and compassion for those most in need. Parents told me of wonderful things they found to do with their ansy kids (such as rousing games of trivial pursuit and singing together), spouses told me of the ways the enjoyed strangely quiet evenings with their mates, and people of all types found ways to connect up and care for one another. Yes, I know there are some stories among us of human rudeness and selfishness which surfaced amidst this storm, but from what I can tell, mostly people (after being dumped in "the rough") FOUND THEIR WAY BACK ONTO THE FAIR-WAY OF LIVING WITH ONE ANOTHER.

Let me give you another example. I talked to a long-standing and deeply respected member of this congregation a few days ago (his name is unimportant) who similarly has been able to find his spiritual and emotional way to positively and creatively adapting IN HIS HEART AND IN HIS LIFE to a new, unwanted circumstances that recently unfolded in his life. This great guy, who recently received a medical diagnosis that is going to require some rather substantial and significant life style changes on his part if he is to successfully manage the illness, said to me:

Scott, I never (of course) would have wished this medical crisis on myself, but I believe that this crisis is a real opportunity for me--an opportunity for me, if I am just willing to make some changes, to live a happier and healthier life than I ever have.

In a newsletter column late this summer, I shared the news that because of severe and essentially un-repairable knee damage I incurred from a fall I took off a bike a couple of years back, this guy, who used to effortlessly run 14 miles in one outing can no longer strap on a pair of running shoes and fly out the door (as I so love to daily do). Now, because of how unpredictable and random events and realities in my life have unfolded, I must now restrict and re-direct my exercise to biking and swimming (which do not hurt my knee). But what I have discovered--like my neighbor struggling to recover from Isabel, and like the parishioner with the unwelcomed medical diagnosis--what I have discovered is that because of the "MONKEY KNEE" which I cannot control or fix, biking and swimming have OPENED TO ME NEW PLEASURES AND OPPORTUNITIES. Sure I'd love to be able to run again, I have some real grief about this loss in my life, and I even dream repeatedly at night about being able to run, but I HAVE ADAPTED, and now love--absolutely love--watching my world fly by in beauty as I bike up to work along the Capital Crescent Trail every morning.

In that same column (and on other occasions here at church) I have reported that there have been several psychological studies undertaken about what makes for successful aging in human beings, and that every one of these studies has concluded that it is THE ADAPTERS--those persons who are emotionally and spiritually SUPPLE ENOUGH to roll with life's punches and FRAME IN THE REALITIES OF THEIR LIVES IN NEW, OPPORTUNISTIC WAYS--it is the adapters who do the best and report themselves the happiest, because they make and follow new "rules" that help them make the most of their unfolding lives.

Alright. I'll admit it. I've preached this sermon before. No, I've never told this story of the mischievous golfing monkeys before, and every word of this sermon I wrote new and fresh just for this occasion (as I do every Sunday). But I will admit that this morning I am once again preaching ONE OF THE CENTRAL THEMES OF MY MINISTRY HERE AT RIVER ROAD UNITARIAN CHURCH, and trying (once again) to persuade you of the wisdom of one, supple approach to living. And that theme and approach arise from one of the deepest and most dearly held spiritual convictions I have. Here it is.

Life is often hard. Life is often difficult. Life is often unpredictable and unfair. Random things happen to us that throw us for a loop, wreck havoc in our lives, and render inoperative all those "sure and secure rules" by which we try to "routinize" and control our lives.  In a creation as open and fluid as ours, we cannot control so much random and difficult circumstance. But we can control how we react. We can align the camber of our hearts in ways that will allow us to bravely and creatively ADAPT. Like the golfers of Calcutta, we really have only once choice if we are to stay in the game and "be a player" in our own unfolding lives, and the rule is simple, dear friends. Play the ball where the monkey drops it. Play the ball where the monkey drops it!

AMEN.